Bracers For What Ails America

BY LOUIE OVERSTREET

Some of the problems our nation is facing are mild enough to be dealt with by a glass of tonic water with a lemon wedge. Some can be handled with mixed drinks. Others are so severe that tequila shots are needed — and if not corrected, present clear and present dangers to America. 

Those of you who read this column (or my ad nauseam Facebook posts) may recall that I suggested the establishment of federal commissions to develop recommendations for the following: America’s future needs; crime, punishment, and justice; healthcare; global alliances; need for a constitutional convention; race, gender, and sexuality; repatriation of critical manufacturers 

Sadly, my suggestions never generated the needed crowd of enthusiasts, and I was tabbed as a latter-day Chicken Little. 

My column word count limit does not enable me to address each individual problem — thus, I can only list a select number of issues in each of the three categories without noting potential solutions. 

Tonic water and lemon wedge size problems will not cause an upset stomach to achieve: These problems can be addressed by providing incentives that can address the attitudes associated with education, equality, hate, religion, and tribalism. 

Mixed drink size problems will cause a mile upset stomach to pull off: 

These problems can be solved by our hopelessly divided federal government passing laws to address affordable healthcare/Social Security, criminal justice system, dark money in politics, economic disparity, gerrymandering, immigration, and voting rights. 

Trying to solve these problems will cause both an upset stomach and bad headache, as they will require constitutional amendments to solve. They include balanced federal budgets, the ERA, and term limits for members of Congress and Supreme Court justices. 

If none of the three bracers I mentioned work for you, then America’s nearly 250-year run will come to an unceremonious end. 

P.S. Teetotalers: this is Vegas, so drink references are metaphors for the strength of effort needed to bring change or prevent things from happening.